For many years I have struggled with chronic illness. Sometimes better, sometimes worse, but always there presenting a challenge to one degree or another.
This has been such a heartache and frustration, and extremely difficult for our whole family. It has been an exhausting struggle, not just against the crushing fatigue, but against discouragement too. God has been so faithful, though, and has continually shown Himself and His hand in it all.
Years ago my health had plummeted yet again to the point that I was mostly bedridden. I was lying in bed in the middle of the day with a murky stream of despairing thoughts running through my mind reminding me of how useless I was. I was missing even more precious time with my children (again). The household was turned upside down (again). My husband had extra work on his shoulders (again). There went all my lovely plans down the drain (again). There went my dreams for the beautiful Charlotte Mason education I was going to give my children (again).
I was even too sick to read, watch Jane Austen movies, organize my recipes, make new plans, or otherwise utilize all of that lovely free time. All I could do was stare at my boring ceiling and worry about how I was failing my children. How in the world could I teach them anything at all when I could barely even get out of bed?
Suddenly, right in the middle of my stress and sorrow, this passage from Deuteronomy 6 came clearly to my mind:
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, andwhen thou liest down,and when thou risest up. Deuteronomy 6:4-7
In Mark 12, this is the passage Jesus quoted and called the greatest commandment. It is called the Shema, which means “Hear” in Hebrew, and I felt like God was telling me to listen, too.
I had long known and loved these verses. However, my attention was drawn specifically to a part I had not given much thought to before: “When thou liest down.” In that moment, the light of Truth broke through my dark discouragement. I was reminded that His commands are not out of reach for me. No matter how hard things are, no matter how weak I am, no matter what condition I am in, I am still capable of keeping even His greatest commandment. I can still love Him. I can still hear Him and obey Him. I can still take His words to heart. I can still teach them to my children.
If I can do nothing more than lie in bed I can do it with a good attitude and a smile for them when they come into my room. I can avoid complaining. I can pray with them. I can point them to our Heavenly Father, and I can talk about His faithfulness to us through the hard times. I can remind them that He will use all things for our good. I can teach them that He is trustworthy. I can repent and apologize to them when I fail at all of the above. I can walk with God even when I can barely sit up.
As mothers, we have eternal souls in our care for whom we are responsible, no matter what our situation in life is like. Our children are always learning from us—for better or for worse—and we are always, always teaching, whether we realize it or not. Even on the most difficult of days, the young lives in our charge are being formed and educated. They will learn from the example we set even when we are not saying a word. They will either learn to doubt God, or they will learn to trust Him. When things are going well we need to lead our children to God. When times are hard we need to lead our children to God.
May we be faithful to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, and might. May we teach this love and His words diligently to our children when we sit down—whether we are too weary to stand, or we are reading books with them on the couch; when we walk along the way—whether our steps are faltering or strong; when we lie down—in absolute exhaustion at the end of the day, or in green pastures marveling at a flower alongside a child; and when we rise up—as we climb the Hill Difficulty, or as He renews our strength and gives us wings like eagles.